Rise and Shine

This is a devotion I wrote for a Lenten Devotional Series for church, Immanuel Baptist Church.

Rise & Shine & Give God the Glory, Glory

Today’s passage, Psalm 128, is subtitled “A Song of Ascents”.

The word, ascend, invokes happy thoughts of walking, rising, raising, and elevating.  However, we must remember; in order to ascend, we must rise up over something.

Jesus ascended several times in His final days on Earth. He ascended on the journey to the cross up the Via Dolorosa to Calvary. He ascended on the cross for our sins. Ultimately, He ascended into Heaven.

His ascensions would not have happened without descending. First He descended from Heaven to be with the people He loved on Earth to show them God’s love and the way to live. After His crucifixion, he descended into Hell to conquer death.

These two important factors show us the way to follow Jesus. We must labor with our hands and walk in the way. We must lift up others and allow our egos to descend. Jesus’ way was not easy, and the way in which we follow Him should not be easy. In order for us to be fruitful, wonderfully, and fearfully made creations, we must labor with our hands, feet and voices for the glory of God, not our own glory.  Then, and only then, will we raise up God’s will in our lives and our community.

It will not be easy, but it is most assuredly a happy way.  We know how this ends. We have the assurance of God’s everlasting love…”in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

We do not live in fear of God. We are simultaneously happy and fearful of our Lord who is Creator, Sustainer, Lover, Ruler, Healer and Conqueror.

The Easter story is a story of happiness borne out of selfless sacrifice.  Easter and Tony Compolo remind us that, “It’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.”

Three Men and a Baby

          Obviously, as you most likely already know and may be tired of hearing about at this point, we are gearing up for some major changes in the King household.  As you are all probably aware of at this point, we are doing our best to prepare for baby-to-be, in all the ways that are possible to prepare.  No, we aren’t naïve enough to think we’re actually prepared, so don’t roll your eyes at me quite yet.  Our pregnancy, the last twenty-seven weeks, have been a roller coaster.  I’m also not quite naïve enough to believe that we are different from other expectant parents in that, especially other first time parents.  We have, however, had our own set of ups and downs that does at least feel unique.

Since this past November, Adam and I have reluctantly become re-acquainted with the reality of loss.  Over the course of less than four months, we have lost three grandfathers between us.  In barely over three months, we’ve participated in three funerals in three different states.  In mid November, my paternal grandfather passed away; in late February, my maternal grandfather passed away; thirdly, only a week later, at the beginning of March, Adam’s maternal grandfather passed away.  

Each of these men individually made an impact on our lives, both separately and as a couple.  We, of course, had a different relationship with each one and the void that was left after each passing is still fresh in each place that they once filled.  I could go on for more words than you would care to read about how much my grandfathers meant to me, how much I learned from them, what I will miss, and how different each side of my family looks and feels knowing they are no longer with us.  I will do my best to keep it short and sweet, so bear with me.  

Throughout our tears and our grief, we’ve constantly reminded ourselves how lucky we are to know that each of these three men lived lives that were long and fulfilling.  While none of these passings were exactly expected, each of these men was prepared.  They were proud of what they had accomplished, had left legacies, and were confident about their next adventures.  Each had a strong and sure faith that reminded and taught those around them about the beliefs that they built their lives around.   I have no doubt that I will see my grandfathers again, that they are reunited with those that went before them, and that they are no longer enduring any pain or suffering.   I am more than thankful for that reassurance, for the knowledge that none of them suffered long near the end, and for the mark that was left in my life and in the world at large because of them.

My Granddad, my paternal grandfather, had a passion for learning and a thirst for knowledge that I have been lucky enough to emulate through my education and career.  He emphasized the importance of education with all of his family.  Granddad loved food, travel, sports, and people.  I have memories of looking at possibly thousands of pictures snapped by “Granddaddy Flashcubes,” of college banquets in his honor, of family vacations in so many places, of Christmas after Christmas morning celebrated at his house, of football games, and of laugh lines around his eyes.  He taught us about how valuable it is to be present and to find a happy medium.

My Papa, my maternal grandfather, left a legacy built on hard work, pride, and loyalty.  He never missed an opportunity to remind his family about his faith and about what he wished for us.  Papa loved the Braves, his family, and was so proud of his accomplishments in the military.  Through a long battle with ALS, Papa stood beside his wife and cared for her through that sickness, after long years of health.  My memories of him are dominated by things like making “stone soup,” an old Fisher-Price schoolhouse, playing with Dan, Christmas homilies delivered to a large and noisy family, reading books in a worn recliner, and naps taken in front of sports on TV.  Papa taught us the value of words and to never waste an opportunity.

If this were the time and place for it, know that I could go on and on about my Granddad and my Papa.  They are not the only two people to have such an impact on my life or even the only two family members to do so, but right now and for quite some time, their loss is sharply felt.

I only had the pleasure of knowing Adam’s Papa for about five years.  In that short time, I did get to know the man that had so much to do with who Adam has become.  His Papa was a man of strength and patience.  He was always glad to see us and never tired of talking to Adam.  His love for the Cardinals, his devotion to his wife, and his unwavering certainty about the future made an impact on me and have been unquestionably inherited by his youngest grandson.

All three of these men had many things in common; more than you would think by looking at their lives on paper.  All put family at the top of their priority lists, all had long and happy marriages that are an inspiring example to a couple going on their third year of marriage and all had a faith that cast out fear.

I can celebrate these three lives with an easy heart.  My mind wants to fight off that celebration and replace it with grief, but my heart knows that they have moved on to a forever home that dwarfs the pleasure I feel in my home on this earth.

At this point in our lives, Adam and I are struggling with grief.  We have fought wave after wave after wave of loss in a shorter time than we ever expected and at a time in our lives when we also have so much joy.  Somehow, our greatest source of grief is tied in with our greatest source of joy.  We are simply broken-hearted that our daughter will not be able to know our grandfathers.  We are more than grateful for the men that they were and what we learned from them; those small parts of them will be passed down to our daughter and she will know, as best she can, these men, but it will always be second hand.  That has been harder to accept than I anticipated.  Each one is deeply missed as an individual, but as a trio, the loss is nearly overwhelming.

In short, we are grateful for the lives that were lived, how lucky we are to have such families, and the profound impact made on our lives, but we do miss our grandfathers.  

“Preserve your memories, keep them well, for what you forget, you can never retell.”  -Louisa May Alcott

7 Years Ago The Oscars Aired, And...

The Oscars serve as a yearly reminder to me. Not because I love to celebrate and watch the Oscars, but because it reminds me of a defining moment in my life.

7 years ago, I was millimeters away from being paralyzed. I don't know what my life would've looked like had that happened. I am happy to know what it looks like now.

I made the terrible decision to embark on a night of drinking that would lead to drunk driving and a nearly fatal car accident. The memories which pierce the haze of that night are still with me today. Scars remind me everyday of the brilliant doctors who had a part in enabling me to be who and where I am today.

A few weeks ago, my Sunday School teacher asked, "Are there any failures in your life that you celebrate?" I gave a hearty chortle, and proceeded to talk about my car accident for the umteenth time in that group.

I've pondered that question several times since it was asked. I have the same answer every time that I think about it. Yes, I do celebrate this. Yes, I do think that it's a failure. Yes, I am thankful for it. Yes, it molded me. Yes, I think about it often, usually daily. It brings a myriad of emotions to mind, but I think that mostly I am thankful for it.

Recently, I've thought about the wreck in this vein of thought. What will I tell my daughter about the biggest failure in my life?

First, I will share my failures with her. I want her to know my failures and successes. I don't want her to know some whitewashed version of my life. I am who I am today, because of the successes and failures. Also, I will remind her that even daddy makes mistakes, and will be quick to apologize and try to live without ego.

Second, I will share the importance of decision making and that choices have consequences. It's easy to make choices, but it's difficult to make the right choice all of the time. I made bad choices in many areas of my life at the time, and I will make some bad choices throughout life. However, I have and will continue to learn from them with the hopes of not making the same mistakes.

Third, I will share in her failures and be with her on her life journey. She will know that I am always available to her.

Finally, I will share with her the love that I experienced from family and friends in a great time of need. She will never go a day without it.

These are some of the things that the wreck has taught me this past year. I hope that you know that you are loved and are not alone.

I Confess....

That I am totally, utterly, completely, 100% sucked in to the 2014 Sochi Olympics.

It happens every 4 years, and it shouldn't surprise me...but it did. Going into this year's Olympics, I figured that I'd just pay close attention to the men's hockey tournament, but oh was I wrong about myself! I found myself engrossed from the very beginning, including the amazing opening ceremonies' interpretation of 1000 years of Russian history.

I'm just amazed at the dedication that Olympic athletes exhibit, even more than the athleticism on display. The commitment made by Olympians to compete at the pinnacle of their sport once every four years is admirable...to say that it impresses me is an understatement. They train and sacrifice time, money, and relationships (arguably). I'm not sure that I'd be willing to do some of these things in order to compete in the Olympics.

I loved watching a 40 year old Norwegian destroy his competition in the 10k bi-athlon.

I'm probably going to stay up late tonight to watch the 15k bi-athlon tonight....thanks bank holidays!

I was up at 6:00am this past Saturday to watch Team USA's men's hockey team play the Russians in one of the most exciting hockey games that I've seen. Katy was a big fan of my choice of a Saturday morning alarm...ha!

I've become very familiar with the Pampers (good timing for diaper purchases for us!), Coca-Cola, Home Depot, McDonald's, and other various commercials that air regularly on broadcasts.

I'm hopelessly addicted to watching curling. This may be due to the fact that it seems simple enough that I think I could compete at an Olympic level curling...very unlikely. Also, it's one of the few events that Team USA is a decided underdog. We're 2-7 as I write this.  The Swedish and Canadian teams are very impressive.

I'm intrigued by the fact that Team USA's bobsled has been redesigned by a BMW engineer, and has been a closely guarded secret.

The Olympics may generally be a good thing for economies in their locations, but they also tend to open parts of the world that may not normally be open to the international community...such is the case with Sochi, Russia.  There are stories of human rights issues, animal cruelty, and bribery in these Olympics. History will be the judge of the effect of the Olympics on Sochi and Russia in a broader sense.

Then there's the 60 degree temperatures, Bob Costas's grotesque eye issue, Vladimir Putin's selfie with Canadian athlete, and a myriad of other content and character stories designed to draw me further in to the 2014 Sochi games...like a really need that!

One more week to go, and it will be full of news, events, heartbreak, triumph and late nights & early mornings...ski jumping, nordic combine, medal rounds of hockey, and women's singles figure skating just to name a few. Katy will be glad for me to quit chanting Rus-si-a! I kinda like their chant.  Maybe we'll get some good name ideas for our baby girl inspired by an Olympian

So.....I confess....I'm addicted to the Olympics!

Strollers and Onesies and Bottles...Oh My.

This weekend we conquered, or at least started the process of conquering, our baby registry.  Getting that started has been on the top of our baby list for the last couple of weeks.  Don't get me wrong, registering for anything is so much fun!  This particular registry just required more research and more preparation that I would have ever anticipated.

Adam has spent weeks doing online research in an attempt to figure out all of the safety recommendations, the different types of products, and what we can even fit in our apartment.  I compiled quite a few "must-have" registry lists into one five page list to try to keep us from missing things that we need.  It also turned into googling items that I have never heard of and had (or have) no idea what purpose they serve.  While we would never ask our friends and family to buy us present at all and do not expect or want people to go overboard, the registry is helping us to organize.  We now have a better grasp of what is a necessity, what people suggest, and what is a luxury when it comes to taking care of a baby.

If you haven't had the opportunity to register for anything in your life, I would recommend that you do it!  It is so much fun, no matter what the occasion!  On your next birthday or celebration or Tuesday, go to your favorite store and ask them to register.  They give you a little zappy scanner gun and you can go to town.  Rather than being overwhelmed, you'll most likely find yourself zapping everything in sight that looks fun or handy or different.  Do it.

This time around, for our first child, Adam and I decided to register at Target, Babies-R-Us, and Pottery Barn Kids.  Target and Babies-R-Us are the two main registries, while Pottery Barn only has a few of the luxury items that we liked.  We started at Babies-R-Us on Saturday morning.  When we first arrived, there was no one else there.  We got the prime Expectant Mother parking (an awesome perk of pregnancy) and sat down with an associate to begin our registry.   Our best move of the entire experience was starting fairly early in the morning.  The longer we were there, the more couples came in to join us.  As we walked down the aisles, we overheard more and more arguments over strollers or outfits or bedding than I expected.  With the sheer volume of stuff, I should have been more prepared.  We tackled our glider first, then knocked off the other bigger items that we planned on choosing from Babies-R-Us.  That made it much easier to enjoy zapping all of the smaller things, once the bigger things were off our backs.  There's no way to know what type of product our little girl will prefer, so we tried to get a variety of things.  After nearly two hours, we had to take a break for lunch and so, we took a quick Chick-Fil-A break, then headed back to finish up.  One more hour at Babies-R-Us, and we came to the realization that we had done the best we could and would have to do whatever was left online.  Thank goodness for the internet!  We can updated and change anything on any registry at any time from home.

On Sunday, we hit both Pottery Barn Kids and Target.  The experience was fairly similar at both of these places.  However, Pottery Barn Kids has a much larger selection online than they do in store.  So, basically, while we were there, we started the registry and left the store with a list of things we would have to add online.  Our Target trip was to fill in the holes of the things we hadn't registered for at Babies-R-Us or Pottery Barn; and to register for those things we just wanted from Target.  Honestly, I don't know what we did in life before Target.

Those of you who have kids will laugh at me after I admit to this, but maybe those of you who don't will share in my surprise; I had no idea how much paraphernalia that one little baby needs.  You can't just get a crib sheet, you have to get several; three bottles won't do it, you need 4oz, 8oz, etc, etc; it goes on and on.  This was just the planning part.  We haven't actually gotten any of the stuff we need yet.  It's a blessing that pregnancy lasts for forty weeks; how else would we get all of it done?

It's been such an exciting weekend; things are started to happen.  We have made it to the fun part.  Instead of just biding our time between doctor's appointments, we have made it to the part where we get to start planning, making decisions, and putting it all together for our little girl.  We have seventeen weeks left; at some moments that feels like forever, at others, it feels unbelievably soon.  Right now, I think we have a good handle on what we should be working on right now.  Are we ready for her?  Not even close...but can you really ever be completely ready?

The Purge

This year, instead of spring cleaning (or possibly in addition to spring cleaning), Adam and I have gone through a material purge since New Years'.  Yes, part of it is by necessity.  Adam, Scout, and I live in a one bedroom apartment that does have an extra mini-room they market as an office.  Based on the tight living space, our purge has been imperative before we start acquiring what seems like an unbelievably overwhelming amount of baby paraphernalia.

Those of you that know me, know that I do have an organizational streak.  Some may even argue that it's more than just a streak.  So, the prospect of going through the entire apartment (daunting that it may have been) was not entirely unwelcome.  I systematically went through each room of our apartment.  We took more than a few trips to Goodwill to donate and sadly, almost as many trips to the dumpster.  I know that throwing things away can make baby Jesus cry, but not everything can be salvaged, repurposed, or donated.  Each time we identified something we could get rid of, it felt like a tiny weight was lifted.  Room by room, that feeling grew stronger.  

Then, I stepped back to look around.  At this point, we had devoted fragments of the entire month of January to this project.  I was feeling good, thinking we were making some headway.  As I looked around, I realized something.  If I hadn't know better, I wouldn't even be able to tell that we had purged ourselves of anything.  Our apartment is still cluttered and full; "lived in," could be an understatement.  Yes, we'd managed to empty out our small extra space in order to fill it up in the coming months with baby things and we cleaned out one of our very few kitchen cabinets to devote it to the same purpose.  So, perhaps it was worth it...at least I'll claim it as a success.  Right now, the purge had to happen and I was as ruthless as I could manage.  It was cleansing and provided the jumping off point that we needed for a fresh start with our growing family.  Honestly, I feel good about it as a whole.  I would recommend a purge to start any new stage in life or just whenever you feel weighted down.

The whole attempt has reminded me, however, that we have so much more than we need.  While we have our struggles, financial and otherwise, and it can feel like they deeper than those of our friends, we are incredibly lucky.  I am all too often guilty of coveting the things, the space, and the time that others appear to have in spades, while overlooking all that I have been given.  Take the time to do a purge of your own; separate out what you are willing to get rid of and then step back to see all that you have left.  Be thankful for each thing, but don't put too much value in the things.  Look past the cheesiness of my suggestions and embrace it!

It's a...

This is the story of the most recent way that our lives were changed, once again...

This past week, believe it or not, we reached the halfway point in this pregnancy.  In some ways, pregnancy seems to be chock full of decisions, more than it is consistently full of anything else.  Sure, pregnancy is also characterized by many other, somewhat less pleasant, symptoms, but right now at this particular moment, the decisions seem to be in considerable abundance, with no end in sight.  Our most recent success regarding this growing list of decisions happened this past Tuesday.

Over the past several months, we have been conflicted over whether or not to find out our baby's gender.  No one believes me when I say this, but it is honestly the truth; we had absolutely no preference as far as the baby's gender goes.  That's why it made it so difficult to decide.  The time to act on that decision came at our latest appointment, on Tuesday.  Because it was the appointment that included our 20 week ultrasound, Adam and I both had to take a little time off of work in the afternoon.  That way, we were able to leave for the appointment together.  Upon our arrival, we realized that we had the last appointments of the day with both our ultrasound tech and our doctor, so we had some time in the waiting room.  As always, we were given insights into our future while we waited; there were other families, of all shapes and sizes, including those farther along in their pregnancies and those who already have small children in tow.  Even in spite of the sense of anticipation that hangs over all waiting rooms, it's always interesting, and mostly entertaining, to watch the others waiting.  This particular day, my fellow waiting room occupants didn't disappoint.  Through their seemingly mundane and unremarkable strategies to get through their own time waiting, they unknowingly helped to calm my nerves and pass the time.  While I can't honestly say that the time flew, we did get through the time we were asked to wait and my name was called.

We followed the ultrasound tech back to the last room on the left and followed suit as she introduced herself.  Immediately following the introductions, I blurted out that we would like for her to write down the gender of the baby instead of telling us during the appointment.  She willingly complied and played along throughout the appointment, having us turn our heads away from the screen whenever there was even a slight possibility that our surprise might be spoiled.

I hate to shatter the illusion, but pregnancy so far has not exactly matched up with what is shown in the movies.  I'm not sure I glow, have avoided gaining weight in areas other than my lower abdomen, or have been as ladylike about the symptoms as the women that so angelically depict pregnancy on the big screen.  However, overall, the experience of the ultrasound actually did seem to be like it is in the movies.  The gel, the black and white screen, and the semi-dark room were all exactly what I anticipated.  I did not anticipate how emotional it would be that the black and white pictures were of our baby.  Immediately, there it was; moving around, healthy (as far as they can tell).  Yes, we had seen the baby at our very first appointment on an ultrasound, but at that point, it resembled more of a bean of some sort than a baby.  This time, undeniably, it is a baby.  The ultrasound tech spent at least thirty minutes taking different measurements, looking at different angles, and throughout the entire time, she narrated what she was seeing.  We took a tour around our baby; we saw feet, arms, hands, a face, a beating heart, kidneys, the lenses of the eyes, and the parts of the brain.  Unbelievable!  It's hard to even describe the amazement and excitement each time we were introduced to a new angle or discovered something new.  Adam continually commented on the craziness of it all, while he oohed and ahhed at all of the new views. We were both amazed at how much had happened in the 12 weeks since the baby was about the size of a kidney bean.

There were a few moments during which the ultrasound tech was forced to take a different approach in order to be able to see certain things.  The conclusion was reached that baby is doing very well and there is nothing at all to worry about at this point!

I know everyone says this, but the baby was being adorable.  The hands were consistently moving, at times crossed in front of the face and waving at us or blocking our ability to see the face.  The legs crossed and uncrossed.  It was hard not to imagine a personality to go hand in hand with these images.  As the ultrasound continued, we realized just how difficult it would be to have seen all of this and not open that enticing envelope containing the gender.  We were overwhelmed by the desire to learn as much as we could about this new little person, our child.

As the ultrasound appointment drew to a close, we were given a printed picture, a CD containing several pictures as well as a video of the baby's heart, and the sealed envelope containing the gender.  We walked out to the next waiting room, arguing good-naturedly about who would hold our ultrasound souvenirs.  We waited as the waiting room around us slowly emptied.  We closed down the doctor's office that day.  Both of us tried to read as we waited and both of us were constantly drawn back to staring at our baby's new picture.  Our hearts had already been melted from the beginning, but this was a new level of love.  One that brought us even closer to the level of love that we can't even foresee before the birth of our child.

Eventually, we were startled out of our reverie and called back to see the doctor.  That particular day, the doctor that I usually see had a family emergency and so, we saw a different doctor.  This was originally a source of anxiety for me, but that anxiety was unfounded.  The doctor was extremely helpful, patient with our questions, and just as friendly as my regular doctor.  In the end, seeing someone different was a good idea, just in case someone else in the medical group ends up being there at the actual birth.  This doctor's visit was comfortably ordinary, as far as the last few months go, with the exception of the ultrasound.  The doctor did go over the radiologist's report which was also thankfully, mostly uneventful.  After the doctor finished, we left the office.

It was extremely cold outside that day (one of the cold days this winter, as opposed to the whiplash giving warm days interspersed between polar vortexes).  As has become our tradition, we sat in the car in the parking lot of the doctor's office and called both sets of our parents to share the news that things are going well and baby seems to be healthy.  Then, we shared our plan to find out the gender.  Yep, we had a plan.  It did not involve waiting much longer to open that sealed envelope.

Our next stop was Maggiano's.  We walked in and requested a booth.  With giant smiles plastered on our faces, we blurted out to the waitress our plan; open the envelope at dinner and celebrate!  We tried our best, but the longest we could wait was immediately after we ordered dinner.  With one last look at the ultrasound picture and one more reassurance to each other that we honestly had no idea whether it was a boy or girl, we brought out the envelope.  Adam opened the envelope and I pulled out the piece of paper.  The ultrasound tech had folder the paper into fourths, so there was absolutely no way we could see the gender through the envelope.  So, I had to unfold the paper.  As the tension built, my heart pounded, and Adam was nearly giddy.  I opened the paper to find one word written in all capital letters: GIRL.  She is a girl!  We were and continue to be ecstatic!  We smiled and laughed and celebrated in the booth.  Our waitress brought us a card signed by many of the Maggiano's employees that said, "Congratulations on your baby girl!" and a dessert after our meal with pink candles.  Adam told most of the people around us about our news and as we were leaving the restaurant, he turned around to shout, "we're having a little girl!"

We decided to keep our news to ourselves for a few more minutes and instead of calling our families immediately, we went shopping!  We bought an adorable outfit for our little girl and a stuffed elephant.  On our way home, we called Adam's parents and brother.  Then, when we got back to the apartment, we Facetimed with my parents and then, my brother.

It's amazing what a difference, what a life changing experience, it was to see the ultrasound and find out that she is a girl.  I have no regrets about how we decided to experience that.  I'm thankful that we opened our envelope on our terms and celebrated!  I'm overwhelmingly grateful that the baby seems to be healthy.  I am thrilled to have seen her and to have learned more about her.  It's indescribable what it means to be to be able to use "she" or "her" instead of "it," what it means to have a sneak peek into what we are anticipating.  We are going to have a daughter.  We don't know what she'll look like, her fears, her likes, her dislikes, her passions, her pet peeves, her aspirations, her dreams, her strengths, or her weaknesses, but we have had our first real glimpse. We could not be more excited to experience life with her.  We're having a baby girl!