It's a...

This is the story of the most recent way that our lives were changed, once again...

This past week, believe it or not, we reached the halfway point in this pregnancy.  In some ways, pregnancy seems to be chock full of decisions, more than it is consistently full of anything else.  Sure, pregnancy is also characterized by many other, somewhat less pleasant, symptoms, but right now at this particular moment, the decisions seem to be in considerable abundance, with no end in sight.  Our most recent success regarding this growing list of decisions happened this past Tuesday.

Over the past several months, we have been conflicted over whether or not to find out our baby's gender.  No one believes me when I say this, but it is honestly the truth; we had absolutely no preference as far as the baby's gender goes.  That's why it made it so difficult to decide.  The time to act on that decision came at our latest appointment, on Tuesday.  Because it was the appointment that included our 20 week ultrasound, Adam and I both had to take a little time off of work in the afternoon.  That way, we were able to leave for the appointment together.  Upon our arrival, we realized that we had the last appointments of the day with both our ultrasound tech and our doctor, so we had some time in the waiting room.  As always, we were given insights into our future while we waited; there were other families, of all shapes and sizes, including those farther along in their pregnancies and those who already have small children in tow.  Even in spite of the sense of anticipation that hangs over all waiting rooms, it's always interesting, and mostly entertaining, to watch the others waiting.  This particular day, my fellow waiting room occupants didn't disappoint.  Through their seemingly mundane and unremarkable strategies to get through their own time waiting, they unknowingly helped to calm my nerves and pass the time.  While I can't honestly say that the time flew, we did get through the time we were asked to wait and my name was called.

We followed the ultrasound tech back to the last room on the left and followed suit as she introduced herself.  Immediately following the introductions, I blurted out that we would like for her to write down the gender of the baby instead of telling us during the appointment.  She willingly complied and played along throughout the appointment, having us turn our heads away from the screen whenever there was even a slight possibility that our surprise might be spoiled.

I hate to shatter the illusion, but pregnancy so far has not exactly matched up with what is shown in the movies.  I'm not sure I glow, have avoided gaining weight in areas other than my lower abdomen, or have been as ladylike about the symptoms as the women that so angelically depict pregnancy on the big screen.  However, overall, the experience of the ultrasound actually did seem to be like it is in the movies.  The gel, the black and white screen, and the semi-dark room were all exactly what I anticipated.  I did not anticipate how emotional it would be that the black and white pictures were of our baby.  Immediately, there it was; moving around, healthy (as far as they can tell).  Yes, we had seen the baby at our very first appointment on an ultrasound, but at that point, it resembled more of a bean of some sort than a baby.  This time, undeniably, it is a baby.  The ultrasound tech spent at least thirty minutes taking different measurements, looking at different angles, and throughout the entire time, she narrated what she was seeing.  We took a tour around our baby; we saw feet, arms, hands, a face, a beating heart, kidneys, the lenses of the eyes, and the parts of the brain.  Unbelievable!  It's hard to even describe the amazement and excitement each time we were introduced to a new angle or discovered something new.  Adam continually commented on the craziness of it all, while he oohed and ahhed at all of the new views. We were both amazed at how much had happened in the 12 weeks since the baby was about the size of a kidney bean.

There were a few moments during which the ultrasound tech was forced to take a different approach in order to be able to see certain things.  The conclusion was reached that baby is doing very well and there is nothing at all to worry about at this point!

I know everyone says this, but the baby was being adorable.  The hands were consistently moving, at times crossed in front of the face and waving at us or blocking our ability to see the face.  The legs crossed and uncrossed.  It was hard not to imagine a personality to go hand in hand with these images.  As the ultrasound continued, we realized just how difficult it would be to have seen all of this and not open that enticing envelope containing the gender.  We were overwhelmed by the desire to learn as much as we could about this new little person, our child.

As the ultrasound appointment drew to a close, we were given a printed picture, a CD containing several pictures as well as a video of the baby's heart, and the sealed envelope containing the gender.  We walked out to the next waiting room, arguing good-naturedly about who would hold our ultrasound souvenirs.  We waited as the waiting room around us slowly emptied.  We closed down the doctor's office that day.  Both of us tried to read as we waited and both of us were constantly drawn back to staring at our baby's new picture.  Our hearts had already been melted from the beginning, but this was a new level of love.  One that brought us even closer to the level of love that we can't even foresee before the birth of our child.

Eventually, we were startled out of our reverie and called back to see the doctor.  That particular day, the doctor that I usually see had a family emergency and so, we saw a different doctor.  This was originally a source of anxiety for me, but that anxiety was unfounded.  The doctor was extremely helpful, patient with our questions, and just as friendly as my regular doctor.  In the end, seeing someone different was a good idea, just in case someone else in the medical group ends up being there at the actual birth.  This doctor's visit was comfortably ordinary, as far as the last few months go, with the exception of the ultrasound.  The doctor did go over the radiologist's report which was also thankfully, mostly uneventful.  After the doctor finished, we left the office.

It was extremely cold outside that day (one of the cold days this winter, as opposed to the whiplash giving warm days interspersed between polar vortexes).  As has become our tradition, we sat in the car in the parking lot of the doctor's office and called both sets of our parents to share the news that things are going well and baby seems to be healthy.  Then, we shared our plan to find out the gender.  Yep, we had a plan.  It did not involve waiting much longer to open that sealed envelope.

Our next stop was Maggiano's.  We walked in and requested a booth.  With giant smiles plastered on our faces, we blurted out to the waitress our plan; open the envelope at dinner and celebrate!  We tried our best, but the longest we could wait was immediately after we ordered dinner.  With one last look at the ultrasound picture and one more reassurance to each other that we honestly had no idea whether it was a boy or girl, we brought out the envelope.  Adam opened the envelope and I pulled out the piece of paper.  The ultrasound tech had folder the paper into fourths, so there was absolutely no way we could see the gender through the envelope.  So, I had to unfold the paper.  As the tension built, my heart pounded, and Adam was nearly giddy.  I opened the paper to find one word written in all capital letters: GIRL.  She is a girl!  We were and continue to be ecstatic!  We smiled and laughed and celebrated in the booth.  Our waitress brought us a card signed by many of the Maggiano's employees that said, "Congratulations on your baby girl!" and a dessert after our meal with pink candles.  Adam told most of the people around us about our news and as we were leaving the restaurant, he turned around to shout, "we're having a little girl!"

We decided to keep our news to ourselves for a few more minutes and instead of calling our families immediately, we went shopping!  We bought an adorable outfit for our little girl and a stuffed elephant.  On our way home, we called Adam's parents and brother.  Then, when we got back to the apartment, we Facetimed with my parents and then, my brother.

It's amazing what a difference, what a life changing experience, it was to see the ultrasound and find out that she is a girl.  I have no regrets about how we decided to experience that.  I'm thankful that we opened our envelope on our terms and celebrated!  I'm overwhelmingly grateful that the baby seems to be healthy.  I am thrilled to have seen her and to have learned more about her.  It's indescribable what it means to be to be able to use "she" or "her" instead of "it," what it means to have a sneak peek into what we are anticipating.  We are going to have a daughter.  We don't know what she'll look like, her fears, her likes, her dislikes, her passions, her pet peeves, her aspirations, her dreams, her strengths, or her weaknesses, but we have had our first real glimpse. We could not be more excited to experience life with her.  We're having a baby girl!