Goodbye 529 Tracy Circle

I'm going to miss this house. Yes, you read that correctly...I will miss this house. More importantly, we will miss this house.

Katy, Amelia, Eleanor, Scout, and I are moving to Durham, North Carolina. I have taken a job with Duke University within the Office of Research Support as Assistant Director of International Projects. I will join a team to help Duke manage their grant funded international research projects. It's a great opportunity. Katy is interviewing with Durham Public, Chapel Hill City, and Wake County Schools for a Speech Language Pathologist position. We've found Amelia and Eleanor a daycare, and secured some temporary housing.

But back to the house...

This was our first home. We've had many good nights, and some rough ones. However, they were all nights in our house that helped shaped who we have become over the last two years. We've had three years in Boone. We've made many friendships. We'll miss church, work, daycare, and our neighborhood.

Katy and I made a lot of memories here with cookouts, football games, Christmases, walks through the neighborhood, and hard work. Amelia learned how to grow baby dirt...that's what she called the first vegetable and fruit plants that we grew. She skinned her knee riding her tricycle. Scout had al the space she wanted to escape her human sisters when they were too loud or had dressed her up enough. Eleanor was brought home from the hospital to this house. Already she's begun rolling over, babbling, and playing with toys. Our girls have grown here, and so have we as a family unit.

                    

   
















We will retreat from the mountains and get back to city life. It's the right time for us to do this together, and it will take all of us working together to do it well. We feel that it is what's best for our family, and we will undertake our move with faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

A Practically Perfect Party

Almost a week ago, my Amelia turned three years old.  Three.  Three has felt like a big one.  She is no longer a baby, no longer even a toddler; she is a little girl, a preschooler.  I've surprised myself with how difficult it has been for me.  I'm celebrating her childhood, but also saying goodbye to toddlerhood.  Even now, with a preschooler, I can see the future looming.  I'm thrilled to see who she becomes and all of the things she will accomplish, see, do, change and experience.  At the same time though, she already needs us less and less.  I know, I know - that's as it should be, and I am proud that we are raising her to be independent and confident.

2017 has not been easy on Amelia and while she has mostly handled it with as much grace as a three year old can muster, that fact has been undeniable.  There were some big changes at school, including the recent culmination of a transition to the preschool classroom (which has been a life goal for Amelia for almost an entire year).  Eleanor's arrival has rocked her world in innumerable ways, most of which will be good in the future, but aren't easy now.  On top of all of that, we will be completely uprooting and changing her life in the next few weeks.  So, it was important to me to make this birthday extra-special.  I felt like she deserved something that was completely about her.

All of you know how much birthdays, and celebrations of any kind, mean to me.  I love the chance to make things special; I love surprises so much that I won't use online banking for a month leading up to Christmas and I have never once shaken a present.  As a parent, celebrating Amelia's birthdays have been one of my favorite things.  I'm sure the same will be true for Eleanor. I absolutely adore finding ways to celebrate, seeing how excited she is and making it fun.

When a kid has a birthday, especially kids as young as mine, it's an accomplishment for the parents too.  You're celebrating another year of parenthood.  As you watch your kid blow out their candles, it's a prime moment to allow yourself some ever-elusive pride in your parenting skills.  Maybe that's why we all fall into the trap of letting them have way too much sugar and blindly falling into the meltdown trap that's sure to follow even the most low-key of birthday parties.

This year, we celebrated a good bit.  We had celebrations with grandparents, a Mommy and Amelia day at Tweetsie, popsicles with her class at school and a birthday party.  I capitalized on one of her very favorite things for the party; Mary Poppins.  Amelia is captivated by Mary Poppins.  She would sit and watch the movie every single day if she could.  All of her toys take turns being Jane and Michael, "spit-spot" has become a part of our everyday vernacular and the mere mention of Mary Poppins brings a spirited rendition of "A Spoonful of Sugar."  Here are some pictures of the party decorations, etc.

We had a wonderful turnout to celebrate our Amelia.  I couldn't be more grateful.  Thank you to Amelia's grandparents; I couldn't have pulled off the party without your help.  Thank you to every single person who came to celebrate with Amelia; our friends and family came out in full force and we love you all even more for loving our girl.  Thank you for understanding that three years old squeal, that makeshift "shows" demand attention, that playgrounds can be tough to share, that sugar tastes even better when it's celebratory and that this party was a labor of love.  Amelia had an amazing birthday; she knew it was just for her, she felt loved and for that, most of all, I thank you.

So, just once more, a week later, I'll say it again; happy 3rd birthday to our Amelia!

33

In two days, I will thirty-three years old.  Another birthday is looming. Even though I’m not sure I can even claim young adult status at this point, I still adore birthdays.  To me, age is something to be proud of, not to be ashamed of.  I have never understood why age would be a secret.  I’m proud of my thirty-three years!

This year has been another big one, especially the second half of it.  I’m finishing up my ninth year working in a school system as a Speech-Language Pathologist.  I had my second daughter three months ago.  In fact, Eleanor will be three months old on my thirty-third birthday, which just happens to be three weeks before Amelia’s third birthday.  Three is apparently a big number for us right now.

I feel like this is the last year that I can claim to be in my early thirties.  Next year, thirty-four will be mid-thirties.  How did that happen?  I know it’s unbelievably cliché to say it, but time is going by so unbelievably fast.  Of course, I’m the same person that I was at twenty, but I’m also so different.  Thankfully, I’ve changed, I’ve grown.  But I’m also just as thankful that I’m still me.  I don’t feel that I’ve been horribly jaded or that I’ve been tainted in some way.  Don’t get my wrong, I’ve faced my share of hardships, sadness, loneliness and loss, but there’s also been so much laughter, fun, adventure and joy.

Somehow, I do feel like the same person as ten years ago.  I continue to feel familiar; it’s just my body that changes.  Now, I’m not surprised when I notice a gray hair, even those that are weirdly a different texture than the rest of my hair.  I most definitely can’t wear the clothes I wore pre-two kids.  What matters is constant though; the same movies make me laugh, the same books stir up the same emotions, the same places call to me.  My list of books to read and places to see has done nothing but grow, even though I have the memories to prove that a few things have been checked off.  I still want to act and dress and play like I'm in my early twenties, but all while I have to juggle the mortgage, student loans, kids, and career of today.  I can no longer deny that I'm fully an adult, but I'm confident enough to know that growing up, acting my age, which means so many things, does not equal being a grown up, but instead an adult. 

Birthdays force us to look back.  Yes, they force us to look forward, to celebrate today, but also to place value on the past.  Another year has been conquered.  No matter who you are or what your situation, that is no small feat.  So, tomorrow, I will soak up the last day of being thirty-two.  I will count the minutes until my thirty-third birthday on Wednesday and while for all intents and purposes it will just be another day, to me, it will mark a new beginning.  A new start.  A new chance to take advantage of a new year, to force adventure into this mom life, to read, to write, to travel, to talk, to play, to invest in people, to learn, to try, to see the world through three-year-old and three-month-old eyes (not just thirty-three-year-old eyes).

So, enjoy today.  Enjoy tomorrow.  And, when Wednesday, May 17^th comes around, have a very happy my-birthday.

From Copper Boom to Marmee

Mother’s Day is here again.  A day for us to celebrate those women in our lives who have done so much to shape us, in so many different ways.  Hopefully, you’ve had a wonderful role-model in your mother, as I have.  For us, Mother’s Day is a day a celebrate!  I know that not everyone is quite so lucky and that not every family looks like mine. 

I do want to give a shout out to my Mom on this week leading up to Mother’s Day.  I want to say thanks and that we’re celebrating you on Sunday.  I owe so much of who I am to my mother (No pressure there, moms).  I also want to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to all of those Moms that are part of my family; I have the utmost respect for each of you and you are wonderful mothers!  We all need to hear that a little more often.

Because Mother’s Day can be contentious for many people, I don’t want to spend my time with you today shouting adorations at the mothers in my life (although they deserve every one of them).  I know that some of you out there are hurting, some of you haven’t become a mother yet for one reason or another and want to, some of you don’t want to be a mother, some of you didn’t have a good experience with your mother, some of you have more than one mother, or zero mothers, or are struggling to define yourself as a mother. 

This Mother’s Day is my first with more than one child. Just like any other mother (or any other parent), I’m constantly assessing how I parent, constantly defining myself both as a mother and maintaining those parts of my life that are not defined by two little girls.  I also struggle with comparing myself to all of you “Pinterest” moms out there more than I should. That being said, I do love being a mom. Amelia and Eleanor are my favorites.

“Being a mother has made me so tired.  And so happy.” –Tina Fey

Anyway, today, I want to give more shout outs. This time, to some of my favorite mothers; only fictional ones on this list though.  These moms are strong, patient, loving, and remind me that moms can still have adventures and be real people themselves, too.  There’s more to mom-ing than taking care of kids.  If you’re curious why someone made the list and someone else didn’t, ask away!  I did only include traditional moms on this list; don’t hold that against me.

So, here they are, ten of my favorite fictional moms, at the moment:

10. Doc McStuffin’s Mom from Disney Junior’s Doc McStuffins – confident, working, independence-fostering Mom

9.  Catelyn Stark from Game of Thrones – motivational and encouraging Mom (even if she’s lost everything and your aspiration is to take over all of Westeros)

8. Marilla Cuthbert from Anne of Green Gables – initially unsure, trying to figure out how to be a mom, but fiercely loving all at once Mom

7. Dumbo’s Mom from Disney’s Dumbo – will do anything to protect her baby Mom

6. Maria VonTrapp from The Sound of Music – distractible, musical, entertaining and able to pull off a professional grade puppet show with her kids Mom (but also able to trek over the mountains into Switzerland with 7 kids)

5. Elastigirl from The Incredibles – superhero Mom. ‘Nuff said.

4. Edith Bunker from All in the Family – loyal, peacemaker Mom

3. Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls – hilarious, quick witted, friend Mom (Copper Boom!)

2. Molly Weasley from the Harry Potter series – homemaker extraordinaire, talented in her own right and simultaneously tough enough to take on Bellatrix LeStrange Mom

1. Marmee from Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women – supportive, ahead of her time, endearing and inspiring Mom

Happy Mothers’ Day!

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, It's Back to Work I Go

Tomorrow will be my third day back at work after my “maternity leave” at home with Eleanor.  I use quotation marks (as sarcastically as possible) since I, like way too many women, do not get any paid maternity leave.  So, I did take off ten weeks (plus almost one week of doctor ordered leave prior to Eleanor’s birth), which was more than we could afford, but not enough for me or for Eleanor.  This country needs to support parents and children more.  We are drastically behind the times when compared to other developed countries.  I am tempted to drone on about this issue, but that isn’t what I was going to concentrate on during this post.

Aside from all of that, I know that I was lucky to have ten weeks at home with Eleanor.  The first ten weeks of a baby’s life are not easy; it’s tough to figure out what they like, get them on some semblance of a routine, and decipher their individual cries, wants, needs, problems, strengths.  When you look at a newborn, you will most likely think that they look like an alien and in my opinion, they all look fairly similar.  However, every single one of them is different (even if both of your daughters look very much alike in their baby pictures, they are different people).  What works for one, doesn’t work for another.  I will also resist the temptation to go on a rant about how we should all be supporting one another for how we parent, not judging each other.  Breastfeeding, formula feeding, attachment parenting, baby wearing, all of those things are dwarfed by simply loving your baby and doing the best you can. 

Anyway, I digress.  I was talking about going back to work. 

When you work full time and you have two small children, mornings are full of goodbyes.  It doesn’t matter how much you love that job, that doesn’t take away from the love you have for your family.  Each morning, no matter where you leave your kid, you say goodbye.  They have their day, separately from you and you have your day, where you do whatever it is you do and people actually forget for whole segments of the day that you even have kids. 

 

Being a stay-at-home mom would take a kind of stamina that I’m not sure I have. I have the absolute utmost respect for women (and men) who are stay-at-home parents.  Again, we need to spend our energy building each other up rather than comparing our lives and trying to one up each other about whose situation is the most difficult. 

I am not saying that I regret going back to work.  I’m not saying I wish I didn’t have to send my kids to daycare.  I’m not saying that I don’t value the things they will learn because of where and how they spend their days.  I’m not saying I’m not grateful for those who spend their days taking care of and loving my children.  I’m simply saying that being a parent is tough. 

Being a parent means you are still yourself, but you’re also different.  Being a parent means the love you have for that kid outweighs everything else.  Your professional life looks different, your personal life changes.  Being a parent means your time is divided in ways you never knew were possible (it makes me kind of want to punch younger Katy who thought she was busy before having kids).  This week I’ve been reminded that sometimes being a parent means that part of you wishes you were wherever you aren’t; when I’m working my thoughts are often with Amelia and Eleanor.  When I’m home, there are moments when I’m distracted by thoughts of work.  

No one’s life is easy; no one has it all figured out.  So, we’re just taking it one day at a time.  Tomorrow, that will be day three of back to work week for Katy.  It will be Eleanor’s third day away from me.  It will be another Wednesday at school for Amelia, another Wednesday at work for Adam.  We will all do our best, enjoy our day, be professional, concentrate on what we’re doing.  We will count our blessings once more, including the gift of another amazing and incredibly good baby.  But, we will all also, in our own ways, count down the hours until we come back together for the short time we have each evening before bedtime and could the days until the ever elusive weekend.   And, then, we will do it all over again.

Playing Man-to-Man

While I am a fervent supporter of March Madness and I truly do love basketball, this isn’t a basketball story.  I’m sorry if I lured you in with the terminology in the title.  Stick with me a minute though…March Madness has just looked a little different for the King family this year.

When you have a baby, whether it’s your first, your second or your twelfth, there’s an unbelievable amount of anticipation.  You spend nine (well, really, it’s 10; that’s one of the many ways that pregnancy misleads you) months preparing for your new arrival in so many ways.  If you’re carrying the baby, you deal with the physical ramifications.  If you’re a dad, partner or adoptive mom, the preparation doesn’t involve that, but it’s no less hardcore.  Pregnancy can be tough.  Anticipation can be tough.  Waiting can be tough. 

And then, it happens.  Each birth story is unique.  Each time a person of any age enters a family it’s unique.  There is no way to make sweeping statements about any of this.  Everyone is different and thankfully, there’s no wrong way to feel, no wrong way to act, no wrong way to react.  The single most important thing is that love is the prevailing force.

Eleanor’s birth was just as unique as she is.  There was nothing terribly crazy that happened; it was an uneventful and, thankfully quick, induction.  Well, other than the three epidurals, but that’s a story for another day.  To make a long story (the details of which are riveting to me, but probably not to you) short, Eleanor Kathryn King made her entrance into the world at 5:41pm on Friday, February 17^th.  She weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 19 inches long.  She is and was a beautiful baby.  She was alert from the beginning, like her big sister.  She was celebrated with a birthday cake, serenaded by an amazingly proud big sister, cuddled by four proud grandparents and immediately stretched the hearts of her parents to encompass a family of four where it was once two and then three.

All of that is a precursor to today’s actual topic.  I have nothing groundbreaking to share, but here’s my wisdom; two kids are different than one.  You may think it’s obvious and you may cognitively know it, but knowing something is true and really knowing it are two different things.  I’m completely aware that anyone who has multiple kids is currently rolling their eyes at me.

So, here are ten of the things (in no particular order) that I have learned in the last four and a half weeks, or the time I’ve actually had two kids:

1.     You’re not quite stretched to zone defense, but man-to-man is completely different than double-teaming. 

2.     Attitude is everything.  Don’t expect full nights of sleep just because you got it the first time around, then you’ll be pleasantly surprised when/if it does happen.

3.     First smiles are just as exciting as they were with the first kid.  I think it’s partly because you know all of the fun things that are coming.

4.     Kids are different.  It seems obvious, but you will find yourself comparing your kids with lots of things and in ways that you know are silly.

5.     Screen time has its time and place.  There’s nothing wrong with giving your toddler some extra screen time while you deal with your helpless newest addition.  Everyone will be super happy about it and you shouldn’t feel guilty.

6.     Almost three year olds still don’t play very well independently.  Maybe yours is different, but mine still wants lots of attention to play with almost anything.  She wants an audience.

7.     Never turn down an opportunity for one-on-one time with either kid.  If I spend all of my time with the new baby, my older one misses out and so do I. 

8.      Spit up and newborn diapers don’t hold a candle to the gross stuff older kids get into and do.  If you’re in the newborn phase with your first, trust me.  You have no idea how much higher your gross tolerance will get over the next few years.

9.     Most of the time, it isn’t the end of the world.  There are so many more freak-outs for first time parents.  If you can help it, don’t do that to yourself.

10. When you have subsequent kids, the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter and feels closer.  You know that things will, in fact, get easier, better and more entertaining. Don’t forget that you can remind yourself of that during that two A.M. feeding or when all you can do is bounce the baby while you Google the newest sleep aids.  Life comes back; it will never truly be the same, but that isn’t always a bad thing.