Playing Man-to-Man

While I am a fervent supporter of March Madness and I truly do love basketball, this isn’t a basketball story.  I’m sorry if I lured you in with the terminology in the title.  Stick with me a minute though…March Madness has just looked a little different for the King family this year.

When you have a baby, whether it’s your first, your second or your twelfth, there’s an unbelievable amount of anticipation.  You spend nine (well, really, it’s 10; that’s one of the many ways that pregnancy misleads you) months preparing for your new arrival in so many ways.  If you’re carrying the baby, you deal with the physical ramifications.  If you’re a dad, partner or adoptive mom, the preparation doesn’t involve that, but it’s no less hardcore.  Pregnancy can be tough.  Anticipation can be tough.  Waiting can be tough. 

And then, it happens.  Each birth story is unique.  Each time a person of any age enters a family it’s unique.  There is no way to make sweeping statements about any of this.  Everyone is different and thankfully, there’s no wrong way to feel, no wrong way to act, no wrong way to react.  The single most important thing is that love is the prevailing force.

Eleanor’s birth was just as unique as she is.  There was nothing terribly crazy that happened; it was an uneventful and, thankfully quick, induction.  Well, other than the three epidurals, but that’s a story for another day.  To make a long story (the details of which are riveting to me, but probably not to you) short, Eleanor Kathryn King made her entrance into the world at 5:41pm on Friday, February 17^th.  She weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 19 inches long.  She is and was a beautiful baby.  She was alert from the beginning, like her big sister.  She was celebrated with a birthday cake, serenaded by an amazingly proud big sister, cuddled by four proud grandparents and immediately stretched the hearts of her parents to encompass a family of four where it was once two and then three.

All of that is a precursor to today’s actual topic.  I have nothing groundbreaking to share, but here’s my wisdom; two kids are different than one.  You may think it’s obvious and you may cognitively know it, but knowing something is true and really knowing it are two different things.  I’m completely aware that anyone who has multiple kids is currently rolling their eyes at me.

So, here are ten of the things (in no particular order) that I have learned in the last four and a half weeks, or the time I’ve actually had two kids:

1.     You’re not quite stretched to zone defense, but man-to-man is completely different than double-teaming. 

2.     Attitude is everything.  Don’t expect full nights of sleep just because you got it the first time around, then you’ll be pleasantly surprised when/if it does happen.

3.     First smiles are just as exciting as they were with the first kid.  I think it’s partly because you know all of the fun things that are coming.

4.     Kids are different.  It seems obvious, but you will find yourself comparing your kids with lots of things and in ways that you know are silly.

5.     Screen time has its time and place.  There’s nothing wrong with giving your toddler some extra screen time while you deal with your helpless newest addition.  Everyone will be super happy about it and you shouldn’t feel guilty.

6.     Almost three year olds still don’t play very well independently.  Maybe yours is different, but mine still wants lots of attention to play with almost anything.  She wants an audience.

7.     Never turn down an opportunity for one-on-one time with either kid.  If I spend all of my time with the new baby, my older one misses out and so do I. 

8.      Spit up and newborn diapers don’t hold a candle to the gross stuff older kids get into and do.  If you’re in the newborn phase with your first, trust me.  You have no idea how much higher your gross tolerance will get over the next few years.

9.     Most of the time, it isn’t the end of the world.  There are so many more freak-outs for first time parents.  If you can help it, don’t do that to yourself.

10. When you have subsequent kids, the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter and feels closer.  You know that things will, in fact, get easier, better and more entertaining. Don’t forget that you can remind yourself of that during that two A.M. feeding or when all you can do is bounce the baby while you Google the newest sleep aids.  Life comes back; it will never truly be the same, but that isn’t always a bad thing.