The Envelope Please...

It happened again.  On Thursday, October 6^th, our lives changed, again.

This time, the office was nearly empty.  That, in and of itself, was the first near miracle of the day.  For my last appointment (which included all of five minutes of face time with the doctor), I waited for a solid two hours.  On this day, there was no whisper of impatience hanging in the air, no crowd of other pregnant women anxiously waiting and no reason to incessantly try to make eye contact with the receptionist in case I had been forgotten.

On this day, I was called back before I even had time to settle in or get out a book.  I am quick on the draw with a book, so that’s a win, as far as I’m concerned.  In a scheduling fluke, my doctor’s appointment was scheduled before my ultrasound.  So, in a heightened state of excitement/nervousness/fear/wonder, I laughed as the nurse took my weight and my blood pressure.  Amazingly, my blood pressure was hanging in there, as it usually is, but I did not miss the opportunity to tell the nurse that they really ought to do this after I’ve had my ultrasound. 

Once I got to the exam room, I did wait a little.  Although I barely had time to check out Prince George’s latest preschool exploits in an old edition of “People” magazine when my phone startled me with a text alert.  Adam was on his way.  His emotional state was nearly as contradictory as my own.  He managed to get from work to the doctor’s office before the doctor even entered the room.  As we waited together, we marveled at the sheer volume of diagrams and instruments scattered around the exam room.  All doctor’s offices are awkward and I will forever be thankful that some people (not me) want to be involved in that profession, however, nothing else holds a candle to that type of doctor’s office.

Again, this was a five-minute doctor’s visit.  We covered our bases, asked our questions and basically half-listened while we waited to move on to the next phase of this appointment.  Thankfully, there were no real concerns uncovered and the doctor had nothing but optimism to share.  We did hear the heartbeat and to be honest, it was nice to do that before we were mid-ultrasound.

As the doctor left, the impending news weighed heavily.  Over the last twenty weeks, I have wondered about baby #2’s gender, of course, but is has not been something I have obsessed about by any stretch.  Even in this moment, when the possibility of finding out was imminent, I found myself hardly even thinking about gender in the face of everything else that you can see during this appointment.  At a twenty-week ultrasound, you can see so much growth, so much development. 

We were ushered back to the ultrasound room.  The dim light and art on the walls was a stark contrast to the diagrams and birth control advertisements of the first exam room.  Immediately, I asked the ultrasound technician not to tell us the gender, but instead to write it down in an envelope for us to open later.  I wanted to take the pressure off of the actual appointment and save something to celebrate with Amelia.  Adam would have had her tell us in the exam room, but I held firm.  I wanted to concentrate on everything else about baby first.  One thing at a time.

The appointment progressed and baby twisted and turned, barely stopping to pose for a photo.  We watched as baby was measured and each organ was inspected as much as possible.  The measurements showed that our due date continues to be on target.  Of course it does; that’s how we roll in this world.  Baby appears to be healthy and developing as expected.  We were unbelievably thankful and I felt wave after wave of relief.  We got picture after picture, but weren’t able to get that typical profile shot that everyone wants at this ultrasound. 

We left the appointment with pictures in hand and a plain white envelope.  With that envelope burning a hole in our pocket, we left the office.  We picked up Amelia, had supper and somehow, refrained from opening it in the car.  As soon as we got home after supper, we had only one thought.  We immediately changed Amelia into her first ever “big sister” shirt.  The excitement was palpable and she could barely sit still.  The three of us piled on the couch, as Scout watched warily, and gave Amelia that plain, white envelope.  With two-year-old fingers, she tried to open it, but my fear of ripping its’ contents set it, and Adam and I soon stepped in the help.

Inside the envelope was another ultrasound picture.  This picture, like most of the others, had a few words typed on it to label and point out the focus of the picture.  This one had the words we were looking for; “I am a girl.”  A girl!  Another girl!  We quickly pulled out the “little sister” onesie that I had stashed.  I may have a “little brother” onesie that will be returned to the store soon as well.  I had to be prepared for all outcomes. 

Amelia was extremely cooperative.  She was thrilled with the words “baby sister” and repeatedly explained to us where baby’s head would go in the onesie and where her arms would come out.  We called our family to share the news and after spreading that joy, we shouted the news to the world via social media. 

Amelia will have a sister.  I am so thankful to be giving her a sister.  I am so thankful to be giving baby sister a big sister like Amelia.  White Christmas's "Sisters" has been playing in my head on repeat.  Now, it feels real.  Baby sister feels more like a real person.  Her needs feel so much more imminent.  We haven’t done anything to prepare for this baby yet and the to-do list, the to-buy list, the to-think-about lists all feel enormously long, especially to complete in the next nineteen weeks. 

All of those lists are dwarfed by the questions that I can’t wait to answer.  What will she be like?  What name will we settle on?  Will she be like Amelia?  Will they get along?  The list goes on and on. 

The pressure is also on.  This little girl deserves everything.  She deserves amazing parents, opportunities, and a world that values her for who she is and what she has to offer.  We are so excited for and about our littlest girl!  Here we go again…