And the jolts just keep on coming...

I know that I’ve been heavy on the parenting thoughts lately, but bear with me once more.  I was so many things before I was a mother and I am still most of those things, but motherhood is still my newest title even almost two years in. 

Amelia is growing in so many ways; growing up, growing bigger, growing away from us even now, at almost two.  I struggle to foster independence in my toddler when I’m dreading the day when that independence will come to its true fruition.  It’s one of the biggest clichés of parenting; we raise them to leave us.  Of course, I’ve never understood that until truly facing it, how could any of us understand that before it’s our reality?

As all of my realizations seem to, this particular one came to me while I was putting Amelia down for the night.  It’s the time of day when she is the most willing to cuddle, the time when she is the stillest, the time when she wants me to hold her.  This time it was nothing profound, nothing life altering, just a realization that parenting is a series of jolts.  There is nothing smooth or easy about it.  Parenting is more than beautiful in it’s own unique way, but it undeniably shakes things up, daily if not hourly.

Sometimes, it’s the jolt when you think the baby is asleep.  You may have made too much noise as you stood to try to put them down in the crib or you may have sneezed right when they stopped crying or you may have thought they were asleep for thirty minutes when suddenly they start singing the ABCs or reciting all of their new favorite words.

Sometimes, it's the jolting sound of a cry, the cry that only you can differentiate.  When you know it's a serious cry, it cuts straight to the soul.  It's amazing to me that every parent seems to be able to recognize their child's cry and what it means.  I never knew the nuances of a child's cry, or even that there were nuances, until I heard hers.

Sometimes, it’s the jolt of a new skill.  Whether it’s the first time you changed a diaper without thinking too much or your kid mimicked something you said or you realized you’ve stopped counting how many words they know, it’s a jolt.  Time, and with it skills, growth and so much more, slips by more quickly than it’s possible to gauge when you’re watching a person develop every day.

Sometimes, it’s the jolt that today will never repeat itself.  This moment is this moment; it will never happen again.  Your baby will not be a baby for long.  My toddler is battling her way toward full-on childhood, no matter what I do.  It’s my job to ease the transition, to help her along the way, to foster those skills, that independence, the wonder of the world around her, the love in and around her.

Sometimes, it’s the jolt about yourself.  When you think about who you are, suddenly, parent is the first qualifier that comes to mind.  I don’t know when the transition happened, but it did. 

I could go on and on and on.  The jolts, the realizations, the changes, seem to come every day.  Parenting is never what you expect and honestly, that is part of what I love about it.  I don’t know what’s coming and that can make it hard to let go of the present.  This adventure is just that, an adventure.  An adventure that is un-slow-able and unstoppable, just as it is bumpy, unexpected and full of jolts.