A few weeks
ago, I took Amelia to the playground, which is not exactly an uncommon
occurrence for us. On this particular
day, I had picked her up from daycare, taken her to the playground, and Adam
was going to meet us there to pick her up and take her home. I had to go back to work that evening for a
school event. Because of that, I still
had on my work clothes and my badge hanging around my neck.
Anyway, we
were playing on the slide that is currently our favorite. Amelia has recently discovered the steps
leading up to the slide and honestly, right now; I think she enjoys the steps
more than the slide. On this particular
day, another little girl, a couple years older than Amelia, approached us with
a smile. I smiled back, but before
introductions could be made, her mom called her back, away from us, with the
words, “come back over here, that little girl doesn’t get much time with her
mommy.” Her mother smiled at me, nodded
and they left for another part of the playground. This woman’s smile was genuine; she seemed to
feel that she had done me a favor.
The only
explanation I can come up with is that she saw my badge and knew that I am a
working mother. Based on this, she made
a few assumptions about the time and the quality of the time that I spend with
Amelia. I’m not trying to get into
whether or not I do have enough time with her.
Is that every really the case? Do
we ever have enough time with the people we love? I’m not trying to debate the pros and cons of
being a stay-at-home mom versus a working mom.
I’m not trying to question this mom either; I do believe that her smile
was genuine, that her intent was good.
Even so, it
didn’t have the intended effect. I’ve
been a parent for almost sixteen months at this point, not terribly long in the
grand scheme of things. Adam and I have
both been on the receiving end of comments and advice that wasn’t always
solicited. The approach has always been
very different for Adam’s experiences than it has been for mine. I’m sure that all parents have some stories,
just like the one above. I’m also sure
that this is not unique to parenting.
I am a firm
believer that intentions matter, but at the same time, we are also the only
ones who can control the words that come out of our mouths. We owe it to those we are speaking to, most
especially those we don’t know, to think of the effect our words can have. Words can have a profound effect. Words matter; it’s one of my favorite things
to say to youth and to my kids at school. So, please, think about how your words could
affect others. You’ll never know exactly
what they’ve been through. If you want
to offer advice, take the time to get to know them or at least ask a question
rather than make an assumption.
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