Telling Big Stories with Small Things

If you have had the patience to sort through all of my ramblings and boastings that, let’s face it, are mostly about Amelia, you have probably put together that I may be a little bit of a nerd.  No worries here, I accepted, even embraced it, long ago.  A while ago, after a reliable recommendation, I read “The Read Jane Austen: A Life in Small Things” by Paula Byrne.  Each chapter in the book examines an artifact from Jane Austen’s personal life to show how it influenced her books; the characters or the setting or the plot.  I’ve accepted that most people probably don’t share my interest in this as a literary device or in Jane Austen herself, and so, I won’t drone on about that in and of itself.  I know that, reader, you’ve been patient to bear with me so far, so thanks for that.  Anyway…that book, coupled with one of the most poignant quotes (quoted above) from one of my favorite, cheesy, romantic movies, You’ve Got Mail, strikes a chord with me.

In You’ve Got Mail, as any AOL user from the 1990s would put together, the main characters communicate via email.  There’s an inherent excitement in those three little words – You’ve. Got. Mail.  Because of this story-telling framework that underlies the romantic comedy part of things, there are quite a few soul-baring emails that are voiced over as they are typed or read.   This quote is from one of those emails…

“Sometimes I wonder about my life.  I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small – and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave?  So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around?  I don’t really want an answer.  I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.  So good night, dear void. “ –Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail

Sometimes I wonder about my life, Kathleen.  I’m sure we all do.  As children, as teenagers, even as young adults (and some of us, on into older-than-young adulthood), we often have dreams bigger than life.  There are countless preschoolers who would claim to want to be superheroes or princesses or astronauts or Olympians or cowboys or any number of other storybook worthy occupations.  As we grow up, so do our dreams.  Some of us do grow up to be famous or to leave our mark in a public and society altering way.  Most of us, however, do use small things to tell big stories.  We all leave a mark and make a difference; it just may be on a smaller scale than our younger selves envisioned.  It’s up to us how that difference takes shape and whether it’s one that improves our world or tears down.

Small does not equate to less valuable, but that’s a realization that comes with growing up.   It can be a tough lesson to learn, or at least to accept.  Personally, I know that to be true and I don’t question the validity or the value in my small life, but sometimes it can be difficult to look back and see the difference in the scales with which fifteen year old or even twenty five year old Katy dreamt and thirty year old Katy lives.  I think most, if not all, of us want to be great.  We want to be great at something; maybe not the best, but still great.  There are people out there who are great – most of them have that one thing that ignites their passion and they have the support, the opportunities and the talent that fuels that greatness.  It happens.  However, the vast majority of us dabble in many different things.  We all have talents and gifts that we may nurture or forget, and we may be good, or even really good, at a few of those things.  Our greatness lies in the small things.  Like Sylvia Plath sort of said, Virginia Woolf repeatedly implied and both struggled with endlessly, choosing one thing wholeheartedly means losing all of the rest.

I can and will continue to strive to be great to Adam, to Amelia, to Scout, to the rest of my family and friends, but the world, or even the country, or my town, or my community most likely won’t remember my legacy.  It, whatever it is (and that’s a conversation for another day), will have to be passed down through those who truly know me.  There’s value in washing bottles, in walking a dog, in doing my job well, in reading, in every other small thing that demands my time.  Cognitively, I know that…and we all know that, sometimes we just need that reminder.  Someday, people may look at artifacts from my life to tell my story as a whole.  Someday, I may show up in history books.  If I do, I hope I can be proud of my story.  If I don’t, I will rest easy knowing that each small thing added up to great things because, as Mother Theresa, so inspiringly put it, I also will strive to, “do small things with great love.”