33

In two days, I will thirty-three years old.  Another birthday is looming. Even though I’m not sure I can even claim young adult status at this point, I still adore birthdays.  To me, age is something to be proud of, not to be ashamed of.  I have never understood why age would be a secret.  I’m proud of my thirty-three years!

This year has been another big one, especially the second half of it.  I’m finishing up my ninth year working in a school system as a Speech-Language Pathologist.  I had my second daughter three months ago.  In fact, Eleanor will be three months old on my thirty-third birthday, which just happens to be three weeks before Amelia’s third birthday.  Three is apparently a big number for us right now.

I feel like this is the last year that I can claim to be in my early thirties.  Next year, thirty-four will be mid-thirties.  How did that happen?  I know it’s unbelievably cliché to say it, but time is going by so unbelievably fast.  Of course, I’m the same person that I was at twenty, but I’m also so different.  Thankfully, I’ve changed, I’ve grown.  But I’m also just as thankful that I’m still me.  I don’t feel that I’ve been horribly jaded or that I’ve been tainted in some way.  Don’t get my wrong, I’ve faced my share of hardships, sadness, loneliness and loss, but there’s also been so much laughter, fun, adventure and joy.

Somehow, I do feel like the same person as ten years ago.  I continue to feel familiar; it’s just my body that changes.  Now, I’m not surprised when I notice a gray hair, even those that are weirdly a different texture than the rest of my hair.  I most definitely can’t wear the clothes I wore pre-two kids.  What matters is constant though; the same movies make me laugh, the same books stir up the same emotions, the same places call to me.  My list of books to read and places to see has done nothing but grow, even though I have the memories to prove that a few things have been checked off.  I still want to act and dress and play like I'm in my early twenties, but all while I have to juggle the mortgage, student loans, kids, and career of today.  I can no longer deny that I'm fully an adult, but I'm confident enough to know that growing up, acting my age, which means so many things, does not equal being a grown up, but instead an adult. 

Birthdays force us to look back.  Yes, they force us to look forward, to celebrate today, but also to place value on the past.  Another year has been conquered.  No matter who you are or what your situation, that is no small feat.  So, tomorrow, I will soak up the last day of being thirty-two.  I will count the minutes until my thirty-third birthday on Wednesday and while for all intents and purposes it will just be another day, to me, it will mark a new beginning.  A new start.  A new chance to take advantage of a new year, to force adventure into this mom life, to read, to write, to travel, to talk, to play, to invest in people, to learn, to try, to see the world through three-year-old and three-month-old eyes (not just thirty-three-year-old eyes).

So, enjoy today.  Enjoy tomorrow.  And, when Wednesday, May 17^th comes around, have a very happy my-birthday.

From Copper Boom to Marmee

Mother’s Day is here again.  A day for us to celebrate those women in our lives who have done so much to shape us, in so many different ways.  Hopefully, you’ve had a wonderful role-model in your mother, as I have.  For us, Mother’s Day is a day a celebrate!  I know that not everyone is quite so lucky and that not every family looks like mine. 

I do want to give a shout out to my Mom on this week leading up to Mother’s Day.  I want to say thanks and that we’re celebrating you on Sunday.  I owe so much of who I am to my mother (No pressure there, moms).  I also want to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to all of those Moms that are part of my family; I have the utmost respect for each of you and you are wonderful mothers!  We all need to hear that a little more often.

Because Mother’s Day can be contentious for many people, I don’t want to spend my time with you today shouting adorations at the mothers in my life (although they deserve every one of them).  I know that some of you out there are hurting, some of you haven’t become a mother yet for one reason or another and want to, some of you don’t want to be a mother, some of you didn’t have a good experience with your mother, some of you have more than one mother, or zero mothers, or are struggling to define yourself as a mother. 

This Mother’s Day is my first with more than one child. Just like any other mother (or any other parent), I’m constantly assessing how I parent, constantly defining myself both as a mother and maintaining those parts of my life that are not defined by two little girls.  I also struggle with comparing myself to all of you “Pinterest” moms out there more than I should. That being said, I do love being a mom. Amelia and Eleanor are my favorites.

“Being a mother has made me so tired.  And so happy.” –Tina Fey

Anyway, today, I want to give more shout outs. This time, to some of my favorite mothers; only fictional ones on this list though.  These moms are strong, patient, loving, and remind me that moms can still have adventures and be real people themselves, too.  There’s more to mom-ing than taking care of kids.  If you’re curious why someone made the list and someone else didn’t, ask away!  I did only include traditional moms on this list; don’t hold that against me.

So, here they are, ten of my favorite fictional moms, at the moment:

10. Doc McStuffin’s Mom from Disney Junior’s Doc McStuffins – confident, working, independence-fostering Mom

9.  Catelyn Stark from Game of Thrones – motivational and encouraging Mom (even if she’s lost everything and your aspiration is to take over all of Westeros)

8. Marilla Cuthbert from Anne of Green Gables – initially unsure, trying to figure out how to be a mom, but fiercely loving all at once Mom

7. Dumbo’s Mom from Disney’s Dumbo – will do anything to protect her baby Mom

6. Maria VonTrapp from The Sound of Music – distractible, musical, entertaining and able to pull off a professional grade puppet show with her kids Mom (but also able to trek over the mountains into Switzerland with 7 kids)

5. Elastigirl from The Incredibles – superhero Mom. ‘Nuff said.

4. Edith Bunker from All in the Family – loyal, peacemaker Mom

3. Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls – hilarious, quick witted, friend Mom (Copper Boom!)

2. Molly Weasley from the Harry Potter series – homemaker extraordinaire, talented in her own right and simultaneously tough enough to take on Bellatrix LeStrange Mom

1. Marmee from Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women – supportive, ahead of her time, endearing and inspiring Mom

Happy Mothers’ Day!

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, It's Back to Work I Go

Tomorrow will be my third day back at work after my “maternity leave” at home with Eleanor.  I use quotation marks (as sarcastically as possible) since I, like way too many women, do not get any paid maternity leave.  So, I did take off ten weeks (plus almost one week of doctor ordered leave prior to Eleanor’s birth), which was more than we could afford, but not enough for me or for Eleanor.  This country needs to support parents and children more.  We are drastically behind the times when compared to other developed countries.  I am tempted to drone on about this issue, but that isn’t what I was going to concentrate on during this post.

Aside from all of that, I know that I was lucky to have ten weeks at home with Eleanor.  The first ten weeks of a baby’s life are not easy; it’s tough to figure out what they like, get them on some semblance of a routine, and decipher their individual cries, wants, needs, problems, strengths.  When you look at a newborn, you will most likely think that they look like an alien and in my opinion, they all look fairly similar.  However, every single one of them is different (even if both of your daughters look very much alike in their baby pictures, they are different people).  What works for one, doesn’t work for another.  I will also resist the temptation to go on a rant about how we should all be supporting one another for how we parent, not judging each other.  Breastfeeding, formula feeding, attachment parenting, baby wearing, all of those things are dwarfed by simply loving your baby and doing the best you can. 

Anyway, I digress.  I was talking about going back to work. 

When you work full time and you have two small children, mornings are full of goodbyes.  It doesn’t matter how much you love that job, that doesn’t take away from the love you have for your family.  Each morning, no matter where you leave your kid, you say goodbye.  They have their day, separately from you and you have your day, where you do whatever it is you do and people actually forget for whole segments of the day that you even have kids. 

 

Being a stay-at-home mom would take a kind of stamina that I’m not sure I have. I have the absolute utmost respect for women (and men) who are stay-at-home parents.  Again, we need to spend our energy building each other up rather than comparing our lives and trying to one up each other about whose situation is the most difficult. 

I am not saying that I regret going back to work.  I’m not saying I wish I didn’t have to send my kids to daycare.  I’m not saying that I don’t value the things they will learn because of where and how they spend their days.  I’m not saying I’m not grateful for those who spend their days taking care of and loving my children.  I’m simply saying that being a parent is tough. 

Being a parent means you are still yourself, but you’re also different.  Being a parent means the love you have for that kid outweighs everything else.  Your professional life looks different, your personal life changes.  Being a parent means your time is divided in ways you never knew were possible (it makes me kind of want to punch younger Katy who thought she was busy before having kids).  This week I’ve been reminded that sometimes being a parent means that part of you wishes you were wherever you aren’t; when I’m working my thoughts are often with Amelia and Eleanor.  When I’m home, there are moments when I’m distracted by thoughts of work.  

No one’s life is easy; no one has it all figured out.  So, we’re just taking it one day at a time.  Tomorrow, that will be day three of back to work week for Katy.  It will be Eleanor’s third day away from me.  It will be another Wednesday at school for Amelia, another Wednesday at work for Adam.  We will all do our best, enjoy our day, be professional, concentrate on what we’re doing.  We will count our blessings once more, including the gift of another amazing and incredibly good baby.  But, we will all also, in our own ways, count down the hours until we come back together for the short time we have each evening before bedtime and could the days until the ever elusive weekend.   And, then, we will do it all over again.