Sugar and Spice and...Everything Nice?

If you haven't been in a Babies-R-Us recently or ever, then you are missing out on one of the most overwhelming retail experiences out there.  I can't honestly tell you whether it's because of the store itself or because of the fact that the majority of their clientele is on the brink of at least one major life change.  I would recommend trying this store out for the first time on a Saturday morning.  Try to avoid the parking for expectant moms and then go in with an open mind; maybe make it a game, give yourself a point for each couple fighting over which car seat to choose, for an expectant mom who looks as though she might cry trying to pick one brand of bottle over forty others, for every grandmother-to-be who has a full shopping cart and for each type of "essential" baby paraphernalia that you have never imagined.

To me, all of that was overwhelming, but, of course, it had it's charms.  However, the part of Babies-R-Us and in its footsteps, every other baby/kid/toy store I've been in over the course of the last year, is the toy section.  I love toys.  Of course I do, they're inherently fun.  Everyone loves toys, whether they admit it or not.  These toy sections, though, have very stringent dividing lines.  There are clearly marked sections.  No, the main division between toys isn't about their function or the material they're made of or really even the company that manufactures them; the main division, even with infant toys is by gender.  I never realized that children who can't hold their heads up needed the pink ball rather than the blue because they are girls.  I never knew that a boy who can't sit up yet would prefer a block with a car printed on it to one with a doll on it.

When you have a baby, you get the opportunity to register for gifts.  It was one of the many fun activities that Adam and I participated in to prepare for Amelia.  As we joyfully pointed the registry gun at all of our wants and needs in the store, the official names of the items would pop up in the screen on the registry gun.  I quickly noticed that almost every item was preceded with either "boys" or "girls."  For example, "boys'" bib, "girls'" toy, etc.  From there, more patterns emerged.  There were two things that stuck out to me more than anything else; one about toys and one about clothes.

As far as the toys go, when a toy had a girls' option and a boys' option, the colors weren't the only difference.  If the toy played a song, the boys' version seemed to be much more likely to play a song like the "ABC song."  There are quite a few girls' versions of toys out there that play "You are My Sunshine."  Amelia is undeniably my sunshine, my only sunshine, and I will continue to sing her that song repeatedly; however, I'd like her to be a literate sunshine, just like I hope that for any future sons.  To avoid making sweeping generalizations, I will say that not all toys have different versions for different genders and not all of the ones that do, have differences other than being pink or blue.

The second striking thing that I noticed was about baby clothes.  The clothing sections are clearly defined as well, just like any adult clothing store.  Baby clothes are dominated by baby blues and pinks.  In addition to colors, baby clothes often have things written on them, especially onesies.  Parents, me included, are apparently easily drawn in by cute sayings on their babies' clothes.  Amelia has more than one onesie that we bought solely because it made us laugh.  When you walk through and start reading these onesies, again, patterns emerge.  I've found that there are an overwhelming number of girls' onesies that say things about looks.  "Cute as a button" or "Pretty like Mommy" or "Adorable" or "Doggone Cute."  Our babies are adorable and cute and pretty; trust me, I'm not denying that.  I believe that Amelia is absolutely beautiful.  However, even now, I know and I am doing my best to lay the foundation for her to know, that her value as a person does not lie solely in her looks or in who she marries.  She is so, so much more than that.  I know that most people would agree with me on that point; so, let's start making sure we convey that to our children.

When you cross the aisle to the boys section, you find words that praise boys' abilities and their futures.  "Future Hall of Famer," "Daddy's Helper," "Future Astronaut," or "Built for Speed."  There are also boys' and girls' clothes that can be a little questionable for other reasons. Again, this is not true for all baby clothes, but enough for me to notice a pattern early on in my baby shopping experience.

From the moment you find out whether your baby is a boy or a girl, you find yourself drowning in either pink or blue.  I don't mind pink in and of itself, but I don't want Amelia to wear one color day after day.  I buy her pink and frilly clothes, but I also buy her blue and green and purple and white and black and gray and all of the other colors I can find.  We've even bought her several outfits from the boys' section - gasp!

In the future, if Amelia wants to play princesses, beauty parlor and have tea parties, we will.  If she wants to build, play with cars and do math (Inspire Her Mind), we will.  If she wants to do a little of all of it, we will.  The point is, she can choose and change her mind and choose again.  I will not tell her she can't like superheroes or tell her that blue is a boys' color or stop her from getting her dress dirty sometimes.  I will do my best to help my daughter to grow up to be herself, to like what she likes, to do what she feels called to do, not because it's acceptable for a girl, but because it completes her as a person.

There are differences between boys and girls.  However, celebrating our differences does not mean teaching one gender that they are inferior to another.  I am thankful and proud to have been given the opportunity to raise a daughter knowing that she can do anything.  She can grow up to be anything, including President of the United States, a preacher, a farmer, a ballet dancer, a baseball player or a nurse.  She can be called to be anything.  I can't wait to see what the future has in store for her and I know that it can be as bright as any future son's.  Why doesn't our society teach that, not just in words, but in how we treat our children?

Why do we find ourselves asking our sons about their favorite books while complimenting our daughters on their hairstyle?  There is nothing inherently wrong with either of those things and we're trying to show our love and attention through them.  However, when we continually place more emphasis on appearance, we are telling our girls that appearance is the most important aspect of their person.  How can we be surprised at the prevalence of low self esteem, eating disorders, or even bullying?  Why do we perpetuate the assumption that doing anything #LikeAGirl is an insult?  We need to be held accountable, to hold ourselves and our children to higher standards.

"And the night wind whispered, 'Life will never be the same...'"

"On the night you were born, the moon shone with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, 'Life will never be the same.'  Because there had never been anyone like you...ever in the world."

                                       - On the Night you were Born by: Nancy Tillman

I would be utterly and completely remiss if I didn't begin my re-entry into blogging with the story of Amelia's official entry into our lives, her appearance in this world.  I won't bore you with details or drone on; I'll give you the quick version.  Don't lose interest in me, reader; you'll get your share of ramblings about issues outside of my personal sphere, but without this story, at this point in my life, in our lives, I'm incomprehensible.  The night wind was right in its whisperings...life will never be the same.  

It wasn't a dark and stormy night.  There were no wishes granted or curses given or anything else that would befit the beginning of a fairy tale or a novel.  Instead, it was unique and life-altering in the way that real life asserts itself.  On the day before Amelia was born, at 7:00 in the evening, Adam and I entered St. Thomas Midtown Hospital, thinking we knew what to expect.  I was being induced, as per doctors' orders after quite a few conversations.  Without going into the details and in order to avoid all controversy about induction itself, I will just say that Amelia was ready.  We checked in and were taken to a room.  After quite a bit of poking and prodding, we were told that I was in fact already in labor.  So far, so good.  

We spent the night waiting and watching, like so many other expectant parents before us.  In the very early morning of Thursday, June 5, 2014 I was given some medicine to speed things up and speed it up it did.  I began struggling with the contractions and feeling the effects.  Our families arrived at the hospital with more than enough time to spare.  I will spare you the gory details, and suffice it say that one epidural, at least three movies, and a great deal of pushing, goo, and excitement later, she was here.  Amelia was born at 4:51pm and weighed 8 pounds and 13 ounces.  She was 21 inches long.  See, I told you she was ready.  At 4:51pm, on a bright Thursday afternoon in June, we became a brand-new family of three.

When my water broke, there were some observations made that prompted the inclusion of several NICU nurses and a respiration specialist in our delivery room.  They immediately examined Amelia after her birth and after a quick vote, decided that she needed to be taken to the Transition Room.  That room, which I had never heard of, is apparently a step down from the NICU, but is somewhere that they take babies who need a little help transitioning to the world.  Amelia was only there for an hour and a half. While she was there, she did have some oxygen.  It's easy to brush it off now, but it was most definitely alarming at the time.  Adam did get to go with her and check on her.   All of the nurses in the room left with Amelia as well.  

That left me alone in the delivery room, wondering what was happening.  So, I agonized over her condition and watched HGtv.  Adam walked back and forth between my room, the transition room and the lobby where our families were waiting.  Thankfully, my mom was able to come and wait with me after a little while.  Once Amelia was returned to us, it was nearly time to move up to the room where we would stay until we took her home.  Once there, we had a birthday cake for the new birthday girl.  We sang "happy birthday" and took turns holding her.  

That moment was exactly as I had envisioned it.

Now, seven and a half months later, in a way, it's almost hard to reconcile the active, social, adventurous, bright, determined little girl with that newborn.  However, when I see those eyes, I can remember the first moments.  She was alert from the beginning.  Her blue eyes seemed deep even when they weren't as perceptive. 

Since then, we've learned her current likes, dislikes, schedule preferences, how to stop her cries, how to make her feel safe, and how to make her laugh.  We've struggled some with reflux and finding comfort in childcare.  We've exulted in her growth and each day's new skills.  You'll hear more about our struggles, our successes, our love story with our baby.  We are learning and will continue each day to learn how to be her parents.

Return of the...Blog

I'm back; well, really, I'm still here.  I have to admit that the last few months (ok, so it’s been more than a few…) have been full, to say the least.  Therefore, this blog was one of several things to take a hit.  Rest easy in the idea that you, readers, are not the only things that have been neglected.  I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse, but it should at least be reassuring.  Rather than try to sum up life since our last post, I’m not going to make any commitment to catch you up.  I’ll go back and talk about some things that happened and talk about life now, and intersperse it all.  Don’t hold me to any kind of schedule or make any assumptions based on one entry, but suffice it to say, there’s a lot that happened.  As always, bear with us and take it all with a grain of salt.  These are just ramblings, our thoughts, our life.  Hopefully soon, we can mostly catch you up on the absolute wonder and near-chaos that is life that includes a baby, one big move, two new jobs, and all of the randomness sprinkled in between.  Sorry to disappoint you, reader, but this is just a note to say; hey, I haven’t forgotten about you, thanks for hanging out and reading this far, and…I’m back in the game.